Having a baby does change your life, but first you got to have it.
My journey of becoming a mom was just beginning and I had a lot of hurdles and obstacles to overcome before having my baby.
First, I had to tell my parents.
Yepp, my good ole dad who had the demeaner of the Undertaker and the body of DeWayne "The Rock" Johnson was the first hurdle. Him and I hadn't had the best relationship in the past 3-4 years since him and my mother got divorced. He was a cheater and an abuser and I straight up didn't like him as a person; however, he was my dad so I had to at least deal with him.
So my boyfriend (whom I loathed) and I had planned to have dinner with my boyfriend's mom, my dad and my stepmother to discuss the situation.
Let me tell you, my mindset during this time was very low. I was sick all the time, I couldn't keep down anything, not even water. I had lost my job and my main source of income, I had to completely rely on my childish boyfriend and his temperamental mom, and now I was at this dinner with all the people I couldn't stand...and I couldn't even drink.
I like to put myself on auto-pilot a lot. That's when I'm in a situation that I don't really want to be in, however I have to endure so I just...go on auto-pilot.
They fought. They disagreed on almost everything. My dad wanted me to get an abortion, my boyfriend's mom wanted us to get married, my boyfriend had no argument and just sulked like a teenager, and I had to stand up for my baby and go back and forth with my dad and his mistress the whole dinner. Towards the end, my emotions got the best of me and I started to cry. I had to excuse myself and run to the bathroom to breathe.
"This was a nightmare", I thought to myself.
I looked at myself in the mirror and I rubbed my hand on my belly. I wasn't showing at all yet and had actually lost weight, but I swore I could feel my little swimmer in there. I could feel my baby and I knew I loved it. I knew I wanted it to have a better life than me and to be happy. I at least knew that.
My dad was right though...I was jobless, broke, had no degree, had a shitty boyfriend, and no savings. I had almost nothing to offer this child.
I cried some more.
"How am I going to take care of you?"
I just sobbed and sobbed in the restaurant's bathroom. Until I just stopped. It dawned on me. I did have something to offer my baby...love.
I made that decision at that point that I didn't want an abortion. I wanted my baby.
I wasn't sure about everyone else out there, but I knew I wanted my baby in my life.
I knew there was a lot of work ahead of me, and that this wasn't going to be easy at all.
"Some things are worth it", I thought out loud.
I straightened up, wiped my face, and walked back to the table. I didn't care what everyone else at that table thought or wanted. I knew what was important, and I held on to it with every bit of my strength. My baby.